Thread:Skyebreeze/@comment-70.64.217.36-20150530014350/@comment-5952365-20160108200302

Yeah *sighs* Anyway, when I was 13 I remembered I used to always listen to a song called Bad Apple in the Nightcore version. I even wrote all the lyrics to Sib once bcuz I loved it that much. It's just that..the reason I loved it was bcuz it reminded me of how I felt, and I thought the song was how I would always feel...I found it again a few days ago and listening to it kind of makes me sad, it just kinda makes me sad thinking there was a 13 year old who felt that way...*shrugs* I can't really choose which lyrics were the ones that related to me most, bcuz they all kind of were, but I guess the lines I had felt matched me were "till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing and suddenly I see that I can't break free" bcuz it just before I started feeling and caring again, and "maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real, but it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel" and honestly, it's that one that makes me feel like crying...when I was 13, I really meant it, I thought it really wouldn't mean anything if I said how I felt, heh, would never have guessed that's what it took to feel and care again...Now I feel the opposite, I feel it's really important to know and listen to how other's feel, and for them to know how I feel, too. I feel the same with "you can tell me what to say, you can tell me where to go, but I doubt that I would care and my heart would never know" and again, now I feel the opposite. I guess that ties in with how I used to wish not to be told what to do, and if you knew what they were you would understand, and now that I am free, I kind of feel lost and don't know what to do unless someone tells me...

But you know with the one lyric, "if I make another move, there'll be no more going back because everything will change and it all would fade to black", I guess that's what I had been afraid of, but then I did make another move and everything did change, I started feeling again.

But now, I feel more like this one "will there ever be a place for the broken in the light? Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay or should I go? I've forgotten how to tell, did I ever even know? Can I take another step? I've done everything I can, all the people that I see I will never understand. If I find a way to change, if I step into the light, then I'll never be the same and it all will fade to white" and "if I make another move, if I take another step, then it all would fall apart, there'd be nothing of me left. If I'm crying in the wind, if I'm crying in the night, will there ever be a way and will my heart return to white? Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am? I've forgotten how to see, I've forgotten if I can. If I opened up my eyes there'd be no more going back cause I'd throw it all away and it all would fade to black" Because, honestly, if I'm 100% honest, no lying, right now is the most submissive I've ever been. There's just no fight in me, and I don't know why...If I did take another step, everything would change again, I just don't know if I'll go back and numb again, or if I'll keep going forward...