Board Thread:Role Playing/@comment-24164361-20140520121623/@comment-5952365-20140613050009

(Sorry I was gone for an hour (or more). I was visiting my friend in the hospital, he's better but...keep praying. Anyway, I know I don't want to hate myself, it hurts. So, I'm going to tell you something about me. I always say I'm narcissistic and go on about how great and beautiful I am. I lied. I don't think I'm beautiful, or great, or any of the other things I say. See, I was always bullied in elementary school, and high school is great and much better and all, but...it still hurts. Even after it stopped, there's still a part of me that believes them when they used to always tell me that I'm ugly and stupid and weird, and I know they lied cuz everyone tells me how gorgeous my hair is and how skinny I am but....I just can't believe them, I still believe all my old bullies....I don't care when someone like Val or Nikki says "Ember your so pretty!" I don't care. But...when you told Mallory that I'm beautiful...I was shocked cuz I actually care what you think, and I didn't expect you to say that....I don't like believing them and hating myself, but I can't help it. And...I just don't understand. I think my biggest problem with people is that I don't understand that no matter how no matter how many times I tell people to STAY AWAY FROM ME and DO NOT TOUCH ME they STILL want to hug me and hold my hand and I'm just like NO! STOP IT! and they keep doing it! I DON'T like being touched! I HATE being hugged and I can't stand ANY physical contact but they keep doing it anyway! Can't they see how uncomfortable it makes me?! (There are very few people I will accept a hug from. Blake is one of them. I like him though cuz he doesn't like being touched either, see, at least he understands my bubble!) And I especially HATE this thing they call it "rough housing" and "wrestling"! It's bad enough everyone jumps on me and is like "oh, we're just playing!" but I HATE the word "wrestling" IT IS NOT WRESTLING!! It's called Physical abuse!! It is NOT okay to beat your daughter and say "It's just wrestling!" IT IS NOT!!! I just HATE it! But they DON'T listen to me no matter what!! I just wanna hide in my bubble and close everything out so they'll just LEAVE ME ALONE! And then there's the fact that when my brother got...you know, everyone (as in all my old bullies) laughed at me about it! I HATE THEM! They don't even care!! Same thing happened to my mom when her dad died when she was 9, they laughed about it!! Actually, that happened to my mom, Joy and me, so I guess it runs in the family? I don't know, but I HATE them, they disgust me. And then I got blamed for it, and then there was the incident with the fire....I HATE them. I know people always say "you shouldn't say hate cuz it's a strong word" well, guess what! So is the word love and everyone throws that around like it's NOTHING! I absolutely DESPISE them! I mean, I don't put up with it anymore, and now I will beat someone up if they hurt me or my friends, in fact, when "Jack's Sister" and Bronze Wool bullied me, the only reason I DIDN'T stand up for myself like I usually would is cuz I didn't want her to ban/block me for saying "*f-bomb* off!" but OMG, did you see what Blake did for me when I let them get away with it? He's so sweet :3 ........Sorry for my rant, I got a little *ahem* carried away...I hope you don't mind....sorry...)